To write, to share , to get off of my chest, to see in print my own thoughts. A writing exercise, a flash point of snatches of fears, joys, musings, any quotes, thoughts to hold onto.
Basic survival, the stuff of life, wanting it to be something other than what it really is. New job, doing the footwork to find that new job. What God/dess wills for me in that quest. Making art/heart space and time to create. Being of service with love, even as I'm feeling O so woefully incompetent.
Argumentative interior voices screaming that "I am lazy, disorganized, unfocused",(and yes I am and can be when it is something that I do not really want to do). Learning new ways, and yes, change is hard. Railing against my small footprint living space, missing my familiar tools of my life. Unsettled, sadness, frustration at having to make do until I can do something else. Home is where I am. Even as time zooms by this day.
My Maggie is marrying (April) Chad, and will be a mother soon after(August) even though she was doing the birth control thing. Goddess wills even when humans try to prevent, so mote it be.
I'm feeling old now, and yet know that I am not really on some levels. 55 is a chronological thing. I'm almost 16 years old in sobriety (Mar.1) Physical health concerns, especially my lower back and abdominal musculature and the strength to carry out the rehabilitation necessary to improve them. And yet I am deeply grateful that I have the means to do that work, schedule my own health needs.
So it is a gratitude list, a means of seeing that even through the hardness in front of me I am still able to to make progress, learn anew what I need to do and still do it even when I don't want to.
Blessed be beloved girl/woman. Peace inward, Peace outward, Onward!
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