Finding my way or Scared witless

Way too long since I have posted anything at all on my blog. Living life on life's terms continues to have it's way. And I continue to be in the construct of jobless, not enough in the unemployment check, car returned to my gracious brother (who kept me in wheels as long as he could), which is a perfect step over to, Damn I'm scared for the future. I don't live in the realm of self pity, but Damn I'm scared for my future at this moment.

When the income coming in does not equal your rent, food, transportation and simple non-edible necessities; there is no savings to fall back on and my family have helped as much as they can how am I supposed to feel?

The relentless search for real, viable honest work at a decent living wage is now the next quest.
I must get over the malaise of hating the computer as a means of applying on line. That soulless, repetitive application after application to the faceless "job sites". There is no courtesy of even a reply that they got your application. As my friend Gwen said, "this is hard work." And I don't like the feeling of just how hard and just how tough it is. My head goes to, Am I tough enough, (or smart enough or capable enough?)

Today is Samhein, the end of the Great Wheel of Life calendar, the time when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest. My marker to the ancestors times and a day of reckoning with Great Spirit.

I deeply choose to affirm the legacy of my forebears, and ask for their continued aid in shaking the "technophobia" the genuine fearful stupor that will paralyze me into non-action.

It has been a day of not even being able to make up my mind as to what I am suppose to eat, much less positive action to getting the next job.

Let me end this with my gratitude list for the day, simply because I do not feel that this is a state of forever blue.

I am grateful for:

The loving and compassionate hearts of many of my friends.

My deep prayerful and rich spiritual life.

The ability to write it (whatever IT, insert your scary monsters here) out of my system.

The collard greens and ham slice in my fridge that is dinner.

Art supplies in my home to continue to make something, anything to the glory of Goddess' gifts to me of being an artist.

The awareness that I can live this life ODAAT sober, and with enough goodness to come out on the other side of the fears and anxiety.

I will try to not take so long to write here, as this lightens my heart.

Blessed Be! Merry Meet, and Merry met and Merry meet again!