Launching the thoughts, tentative words in an uncertain world

Writing out loud on the blog; unsure who will read these words, when they will read them and struggling that this is not vanity and ego presenting itself on the page.

That said, I spent a long time writing my daily pages when I did "The Artist's Way" (Julia Cameron)with my friend Virginia and three other women whose names escape me 13 years later. With much diligent yearning and scribbling I wrote my way out of the chaos of my mother going into a health decline that eventually led to her being moved into a nursing home 65 miles from where I lived. I wrote about the throes of a divorce that has lessened in pain (12 years later) but was truly a sad, tawdry and horrendous upheaval of my life.
Combine this with incremental progress and steadfast loyalty to becoming a sober woman in AA and seeing all of my life previously as a perilous lie and not knowing any of the outcomes as I moved forward into the uncharted waters of sobriety
Fast forward to my 16th anniversary, March 1, 2009 living in Lake County, Libertyville and working daily and making my art as best I can. I want to end this on a high note; with a current snapshot adding a few pix of the work I have recently done
I have added 4 images: 1. The Fisayo, red on red Nbele herringbone sides with strung links in matching beads at the front for a necklace. 2. ivory, peach and amber beaded bracelet, 3. better shot of same bracelet 4. Shannon's wedding bracelet in pearl, forest green, Swarovski crystals and bright & satin finished gold beads modeled on a crytal river pattern. All were created using off loom beading techniques

hustle and bustle and on the move with love

Funny how being away from your home, caring for a friend who shattered her elbow and had surgery, caring for my friends doggie dogs (Boston terriers the spring loaded pups, going to work, and my meetings and the bead shop, all feels just like the run on sentence that I've just created. it's been a while since I've posted and it all feels like its coming out my hands in a rush. Today is my day off and the best I have in me is to go get my hair shampooed, I'll twist it up and get it dry at my hairdresser's salon (she doesn't do locs, even though she has locs) and pack my things to go back to my Austin Court town home on the main drag in L'ville.
I seem to be redoing various necklaces and have not much new going on in that area of creation. Possibly, because of the incredible fluidity on my days right now. I leave for the conference Weaving a Sacred Wholeness, my first trip out of state in two years not counting Minnesota's Advance. Then the vacation to Bermuda with Hank, Colleen and Benote. I bought a pair of red fabulous wedge heels just for the occasion. Of course it's the first pair of heels I've purchase (at 3" a true heel) and red of course is celebratory beyond measure, as sense of steppin' out into the newness that is spring, the patience to job search my way out of Panera land, and just for the living heck of it since I LOVE RED Shoes!!!! More later once I've settled into being "home"

Post Inauguration, All the news that's fit to reflect upon

To write, to share , to get off of my chest, to see in print my own thoughts. A writing exercise, a flash point of snatches of fears, joys, musings, any quotes, thoughts to hold onto.

Basic survival, the stuff of life, wanting it to be something other than what it really is. New job, doing the footwork to find that new job. What God/dess wills for me in that quest. Making art/heart space and time to create. Being of service with love, even as I'm feeling O so woefully incompetent.

Argumentative interior voices screaming that "I am lazy, disorganized, unfocused",(and yes I am and can be when it is something that I do not really want to do). Learning new ways, and yes, change is hard. Railing against my small footprint living space, missing my familiar tools of my life. Unsettled, sadness, frustration at having to make do until I can do something else. Home is where I am. Even as time zooms by this day.

My Maggie is marrying (April) Chad, and will be a mother soon after(August) even though she was doing the birth control thing. Goddess wills even when humans try to prevent, so mote it be.

I'm feeling old now, and yet know that I am not really on some levels. 55 is a chronological thing. I'm almost 16 years old in sobriety (Mar.1) Physical health concerns, especially my lower back and abdominal musculature and the strength to carry out the rehabilitation necessary to improve them. And yet I am deeply grateful that I have the means to do that work, schedule my own health needs.

So it is a gratitude list, a means of seeing that even through the hardness in front of me I am still able to to make progress, learn anew what I need to do and still do it even when I don't want to.
Blessed be beloved girl/woman. Peace inward, Peace outward, Onward!

Where I am today, or how I managed to spend time at home.

I spent the day in my "studio" hoping to fend off the feelings of despair at not being engaged in an art project at the moment, not being able or willing to go to the art opening at the community college, too cold -12 degrees, slim petro,(payday is a week away) and of course I have to work tomorrow. I acknowledge that I'm tired and feeling a bit under the weather.

I wrestled with getting a free printer up and running and have not succeeded at all, even with new drivers, test pages, etc. So now I get to save up for a new printer that I can afford; color bubble jet and the color cartridges/ink etc. that are part of the ownership of "things" especially electronic computer type things.

I'm so doing my best to avoid self-pity and frustration. Life management skills continue to elude me. I do have a positive balance in my saving and checking account .35 cents and 1.00. But no over drafts, and the possibility of funds from my art patron for auto stuff, and direct payment of my 2nd and 3rd musts for survival phone and storage after the 20th, along with auto maintenance funds. I have sent my resume out to a contact from Panera who is a district manager for a storage company. I have miles to go to get the rest of my information on to the Navy's web site as well as the VA job site. I have been paying lip service with no actions taken to getting my next job. This must stop. Progress not perfection. And so it goes.

I am feeling ready to take my shower, get into my clean bed and read for a bit. Tomorrow is another work day and then home to wash my hair, make a bit of art and get ready to go to meeting for worship on first day. Mind, body and spirit work is hard, on-going and necessary to breathe. I believe, have faith, more art will be revealed. Love for now.

Labyrinth Walk and other musings on my birthday.

My meeting today at Serenity House was completely what I needed. My gift card from my friend Deb, got me a few special treats and a few meals until payday. Whole Foods at 20.44 not too bad. The highlight was the walk at St Gregory's with the release of the turmoil and the in-rushing of many reminders to see the path, yes we misstep, sometimes the way is rocky, or muddy or uneven but the only thing you can do is continue to put one foot in front of the other. it stilled the multiple voices of judgment that I carry around in my head. I had a spiritual deep moment, with serenity sitting on my shoulder. I'll make a good dinner, do laundry, prepare for this next week with as much dignity and grace as I can muster. Let Go Let Goddess is operative. Peace In Peace Out, Onward.

Humor (Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much)

Time wounds all heels. -Jane Ace-

Humor is so healing... and it's fun too. We find that humor one of the first human gifts to disappear when addictive diseases set in.

We lose the ability to laugh at ourselves and with others. We feel insulted if someone pokes fun at us, and we personalize everything, seeing it as a put down. The more our disease progresses, we make Scrooge look like a stand-up comic. Indeed, instead of being healers we have become heels...heels without souls.

Good humor is very inexpensive. It is one of the pleasures in life that is relatively free. I'm sure. if we try hard enough, we can remember a part of us that used to laugh and be playful.

Humor doesn't die, thank goodness, it just goes underground sometimes and digs caverns for our "serious" selves to cave in to. (Anne Wilson Schaef)

Quick thoughts, Ackkk its a New Year and my birthday!

What have I made this past year. I would love to include the photos of the bracelets and necklaces (my Niyonu, and the Vanessa and the Fisayo, my niece Shannon's wedding bracelet) that have gone to friends. Making a few pieces for myself as I learn techniques or have an outlet for making something. Not much knitting and a few scandalous attempts at the knitting frame to get legwarmers created faster than hand knitting, or maybe a combination of the two techniques.

Nope haven't gotten any book arts done, but I did lead a Art//Let afternoon down at Shimer College (my alma mater) which told me that the logistics can be its own form of nightmare, especially getting glue to dry.

I have artist books and trading cards on the brain and no time to spread out and begin. I want to whine about the limitations of the space I have to work in and then I grasp the notion of gratitude of having a place to live and do some of the creative work that is flying around in my head. I am grateful for the chance to live and breathe and think about art most of the time and continue to see the beauty that surrounds (not ignoring the horrendous misery and war and terror that is also prevalent in the world right now. Say Gaza and the Palestinians and Hamas, Congo, etc. What a miserable waste of human talent and lives.) But this is about art making as well as contemplation of the living it (well or otherwise) portion. So here's to mark making and paints and more yarn and finishing the Obi/Zen sweater and all the other projects beckoning to become grounded born into full existence. Peace in and Peace out. Onward. More later, blessed be.